The Fakeness is Overwhelming

I can't take the tastelessness anymore. Every time I'm out driving I see all these vehicles, some nice, some absolute junkers, that are apparently driven by absolutely taste-impaired individuals. I've seen this phenomenon on econoboxes, ricers, junkers, Camaros, minivans, trucks, you name it.


Perhaps you've seen it too....

OOOO!!! Fake stick-on body vents! Your G6 is SO COOL! 

That was bad enough, but then as I neared home, I saw an even more blatant lack of style. It was a PT Cruiser that had at least 12 of these fakey-vents all over the car, including the C-pillar (!), along with some super-awesome chrome flame stickers. I mean, COME ON PEOPLE! What are you thinking? Are you even thinking?

Do you honestly think that fake vents make your car look awesome? Who told you to do that to your car? Did aliens suck out your brain and replace it with silly-putty?

For all of you that have fallen prey to this atrocious faux-pas (emphasis on faux), let me clear this up. This is where these things belong:

That's right. On a BUICK! Not on your Pontiac G6, not on your PT Cruiser, not on your Explorer, Camaro, or nineteen-colors-of-primer-and-rust 92 Civic. In fact, if the vent didn't come from the factory, it shouldn't be on your car!

They are fine if they're functional, meaning that they actually contribute to moving air in some fashion. So if you have legitimate vents on your ride, more power to you. I do admit to thinking these things were interesting the first time I saw it, but then everyone started putting them on everything. (Remember that fad some years ago where everyone was putting those stupid lights in their windshield washer nozzles? Same principle here.) These are not an instant pass to coolness. If you think your car needs these vent sticker thingies to look cool, you're wrong. Either your car can stand on it's own and doesn't need them, or it's too trashy/plain/ugly for something stupid like this to help. Simply because it's chrome and you can afford it does not mean that it should go on your vehicle!

Finally, what drives me even more nuts is that it seems like the majority of those who think fake vent stickers make their car cooler, or faster, or whatever, are also the same people who have no concept of a straight line. How many of these have you seen where it looks like the person stuck them in the dead of night while being drunk to smithereens?

Please, for the continued sanity of those of us who have at least an inkling of design sense and an appreciation for aesthetics, stop with the stickers already!